Just outside the edge of night And just outside the motion lights Rows of one-way windows mirror back on those inside And remind us of the lives we left behind I can feel the changing tides And I can feel your hand in mine Carnivores and murder tours still stalk Cielo Drive The faults on which Los Angeles resides We know where the end begins And we know where your husband’s been Dexedrine prescriptions keep us vigilant and thin All high and trembling tight like mandolins Strangers stalk these streets at night Half-remembered, half-alive We drift inconspicuous, we dress like idle wives A mental list of painless ways to die But in this godless world of yours The simple thoughts you can't afford Like what if all those miracles meant more than metaphor? And what if there’s no difference anymore? These presages of things to come That health and wealth protect you from But there may come a time, one day, when stage blood’s not enough Try not to hurt the ones we used to love

A letter to Chelsea I’m sorry for the mess I left behind I tried to put my ducks in line I’m grateful you were there for me Mascara-streaks and casualties aside I understand your hands were tied I left you the spare key Erase whatever traces you can find All remnants of this lesser life And forget about posterity Those perfect rhymes a perfect waste of time Parentheses and pantomime Just see they spell my name right I’m not about to ask forgiveness I know there’s no excuse for this Of course you’re right But when it’s time to sell my secrets How there was not a hint of sweetness In my eyes Be kind and wait until my mother dies You'll have to forgive me I've second-guessed these words too many times I've tried to keep these pages dry I’m grateful you believed in me But all stories tend toward tragedy, in time And no one makes it out alive All things measured equally I wish I'd had the chance to say goodbye I'm sure you had your reasons why It’s better you remember me In dreams obscene Still lovely and alive No tears of years of compromise I’m best survived by sync rights I’m not about to ask forgiveness I guess you’d call this cowardice Of course you’re right And there’s no bitterness beneath this As if it makes a difference After all of this time Oh, weren't we lucky just to be alive? I’m not about to ask forgiveness I know there's no excuse for this Of course you’re right But this was just the cost of business And I just need to finish this Out of sight, out of mind Be kind and wait until the blood has dried

There’s a stranger in the spotlight centerstage He reads from a list of names I wait backstage In some nameless hotel basement banquet hall I come when my name is called The audience stands As the stage producer cues the pre-recorded band The “Fanfare For the Common Man” And from the stage It’s strange how the footlights shroud the faces of the crowd They’ve paused the applause sign now The moment has come The roll of the drum Stripped to the waist In front of grace and god and everyone We know what you’ve done “...and on behalf of all assembled here, To mark the end of this illustrious career…” But I’m still not clear How long have we been here? Or even where it is we are I remember a darkened car Then years flash by And sometimes the memories drift to better fit the rhyme Six lines in the New York Times The moment has come And thy will be done Is that the sound of Sarah Brightman singing “Requiem”? Sent down from above And the crowd, they’re throwing flowers now There’s a coronation with a pastel paper crown And when the spotlight’s just right The flashbacks and cataracts They make like second-sight All soft-focus sequined white The moment has come The moment is done Lift up your lace In front of grace and god and everyone The end has begun

Abandon all romantic notions Abandon hope all those who enter here Cuz we’re just going through the motions And I’ll say anything you want to hear Just string some words together Whatever helps to keep your conscience clear Because the words don’t matter So we’re just working on the atmosphere And when the chorus closes in Just before Just be sure Now when she cues the strings That the words you sing Are worth repeating I wrote the songs that made the young girls cry I wrote the songs that made them want to die By any metric you might measure with I made the songs that made no difference I hear the chorus closing in And when the chorus closes in Just before Just be sure Just as she cues the strings That the words you sing Are worth repeating It’s just a question of conviction Don’t get too hung up on the metaphors Just come in like Gena Rowlands About as subtle as a semaphore Because the songs are never sad enough Because the drugs are never strong enough And when the song asked us “What is love?” We knew exactly what the answer was: “Baby Don’t Hurt Me, Don’t Hurt me No more”

Spent the day in your vacant apartment To try and make some sense of this Shadowplay when the day turned to darkness There must be some significance Slate and chalk dust People don’t just disappear In your desk, a saint christopher’s necklace The dresser drawer, that dress you wore And seven years stacked in six bankers boxes A horseshoe hung above the door What you left us People don’t just disappear It was New Year’s Eve the last time I saw you A kiss across a crowded room From your circle of suitors and saviors The names of whom I never knew And if by chance you never knew Yeah, if by chance you never knew There’s someone that you mattered to Seven years Just like tears in the ocean And when the smoke cleared The spell had been broken Houdini hid the key beneath her tongue Said a prayer for the dreams that you dreamt here And the nightmares that you left us with Say your prayers If you’re still out there somewhere Take a moment to remember this

Your number’s dead Your sister said Some strange men came through asking after you They mentioned the rent was due The first time I spoke with her The voice so familiar “You sound just like Jennifer” Your car was gone Your blinds were drawn How long had it been since I’d heard from you? I reckon a year or two I can’t be sure I heard what the rumors were The words hardly registered Your father’s friends Those generous men Attentions you never consented to So desperate to rescue you Those nights you knelt Those clandestine cries for help Most men tend to help themselves I remember: Just you & I As high as the starless sky At night by the light of the swimming pool As sacred as Sunday school All bathed in blue Brand new stick-and-poke tattoo The bridegroom inside of you Who was there when the scene got grim? All frail and thin And pale as the dress you were christened in And where were your saviors then? The friends who knew The men you meant nothing to The nights in the ICU Your number’s dead Your mother said Your sister looks just like a younger you Just before your skin improved Well I feel for her I wonder how young you were She needs you here, Jennifer

I know it’s late I know you’re anxious all the time I know hindsight is treacherous But you look your best in this light You’ve stopped sleeping again Questions from well-intentioned friends You trade medications You’ve prayed for some patience Or the means to some meaningful end When you say you’re afraid You know, there’s no need to explain Those days, we were merciless Assured of some purpose And the promise of posthumous praise Now I know how this seems I know we’re both too old for dreams So why should I sing knowing none of this means anything? I want to see you walk through walls again I’ll be the kitten at your feet You made those dark years disappear back then Let’s just pretend to suspend disbelief Strike the stages of grief Make your amends Live on your knees Still there’s no defense for this And there’s no forgiveness How could we both be so naïve? Make your meaningless sounds Phrase them in ways that sound profound The beat from the box spring And the keen of the heart strings Well, it all sounds like noise to me now I know you’re waiting for the end to come And I can bleed in sympathy But when the weight becomes too cumbersome Just pretend to suspend disbelief Was some message misread? Haven’t you heard a word I’ve said? It’s too late for greatness We’ll never be famous Tell me, how many tears must we shed? Still our time, it will come When we’ll be more than just the sum Of all of this awfulness We’ve dressed in the likeness of love I want to see you walk through walls again Call me the kitten at your feet And maybe we can learn to live again If we pretend to suspend disbelief

Beyond the vacant pews These godforsaken few All gathered here to view This box I bought for you These clothes your father chose These hands politely posed Below the cupid’s bow Your painted lips sewn closed The boatman’s come to call you home And though what’s done is done This was my son The last and lonely only one In blondes and navy blue Put bronze to baby’s shoe Run rabbit round and through These knots I taught to you When both of us were young Where all my hopes were hung What’s gone is gone for good I did the best I could Let every bell be rung Here lies my son Forgive us for what he has done The mortuary man The ashes in his hands The sad-eyed savior’s gaze That sheep may safely graze Now scatter you around Like dandelion down This strange aphasic dream And I don’t feel a thing And I don’t hear the angels sing And though what’s done is done You’re still my son The last and only one

So this is how the world ends It's innocent enough A hint of hesitation The implications of It’s not how I imagined The famines and the floods Just one unguarded moment Before the horror comes The subtle self-negation The transubstantial bend Pretend that I’m a woman Imagine other men A natural disaster The wrath of God above The wrong end of the rapture The limits of this love We’ve come to burn your churches down Your mercy serves no purpose now Can’t you know the light In the sky’s gone out? No prayers were ever answered No untold loves confessed No consciences forgiven No consequences left And all at once, the saddest sound A clap just like a thundercloud The little birds, their hearts just gave out To burst against the ground And then the world is over So this is how it ends You act like nothing happened It’s hard to comprehend We’ve come to burn your churches down Your mercy serves no purpose now Don’t you see the light In the sky’s gone out?

Woke up alone on the bathroom floor Next to the note I wrote the night before I check my face in the mocking morning light The Dawn of the Dead The day after you die The edge of hell where I woke up The same motel where we both fell in love This fallow place no seed can grow upon Where the sound of my name was your favorite song This was the last ditch act of faith And I swear to god there must be some mistake I served my time And I deserved to die My ghost cleared the gates While the clay stayed behind I’ve not read these tomes of yours That book of lore in every bed stand drawer But I’ve heard your songs And it sounds like now and then It’s in places like this sometimes men rise again So when you’ve lost all self-respect And when you’ve learned some fates are worse than death An empty chair to barricade the door The choice is yours

I remember orange skies Ghost lights in the hills at night The little lambs up there Who wear their hair like Jesus Christ Like you can’t sacrifice the same thing twice I still dream of, flash grenades Prayers that sound like children’s games Tenebraes and Passion Plays in papier-mâché The prophets of a faith without a name Revelations come and gone An ordinary eschaton Most of us who noticed couldn’t bear to carry on And by the time you read this, I’ll be gone Mother those you love the most And smother those who come too close Now certain names when spoken Taste like fingers down your throat But those are details no one needs to know And for us so-called lucky ones With martyred dreams of dying young Oh mercy, when it comes Sometimes sounds like a cattle gun And all you are is all you’ve ever done